But I do observe the lack of etiquette once people start to take you, the host, or you, the guest, for granted, so I thought I'd put together a few dos and don'ts for future guests (of anyone) and future hosts (of any event).
Good Guests:
DO NOT cancel your Rsvp at the last minute. That really sucks. But if you do have to cancel, do it quietly. Because sometimes other people will hop on the cancel-train if they see the party guests starting to opt out.
DO remember that someone is hosting something. That means they are going to some trouble to put an event together for you. Show your appreciation by participating correctly -- read the damn invitation! It will let you know if there is something to bring. Don't just mooch off the other quests.
DO bring a hostess gift. Every time (well, unless the party is a Tupperware or other sales party -- then don't bring anything but your wallet). That could be something as simple as contributing to the meal -- bringing a cake and leaving the uneaten portion with the host. Or bringing a cheap bottle of wine. I have a friend who will bring a $5 bottle of wine, then drink all the wine opened before hers. Then, if her bottle hasn't been opened, she will leave with it. Tacky, tacky, tacky! Especially since everyone knows that any unopened bottles will probably just be opened at my next party.
DO NOT ask the host for leftovers unless they are offered. The host has been working to make their house nice for you, probably for a few days now -- neglecting her own family. Those leftovers are probably her only way of feeding her family the next day. LOL! :D
DO NOT whine about the way the host sets up a game or activity. This one happened recently at a friend's house. She had a gift exchange with "stealing". Now some people have the rule that any one gift can only be stolen three times and then it is no longer available. No fun! So my friend doesn't limit the stealing -- though if in any round a certain set of gifts starts going round and round, she will give a 5-second countdown and those gifts are no longer available in that round. It always works out great and what's nice is that the last person gets to choose from anything, not just what is left. But there is always that one or two people who whine "No limits?? This is going to take forever!" and they don't shut the hell up throughout the whole game. And they are always wrong -- it never takes forever. One of them even came up to the host afterward to say "SOMEone said that if you do it this way next year, they won't be coming." Wow. And we all know that someone" was her, trying to bully the host. The host just said "good" and moved on.
DO remove your shoes when you come in. Really. Shoes are gross. If it's a dress-up party, fine, leave them on -- but make sure they are relatively clean. But if it's a casual get-together or game night or something like that, take them off. Leave your nasty street-dirt at the door.
DO NOT come into the house with boxes and bags full of food/beverage/whatever else you were supposed to bring and leave them all over the place. Put them out of site once they are empty. The house looked nice when you walked in, right? Don't ruin it for everyone else.
DO NOT just sit and chat with one person all night. Make sure to include newcomers. Meet and mingle. Leave your seat and move around a lot. Play musical chairs so that the participants in each conversation change. You will make more friends and have a better time. I promise!
DO NOT call the hostess with questions the hour or two before the party (or during the party). I mean, seriously? That is her busies time! Get her your questions way before that. And make them good ones. If you're in your 40s or 50s and are still asking "what do I need to bring" even though you can see all the food listed on some Rsvp page, you still need a babysitter. Don't need a babysitter. Figure it out.
DO NOT make the host feel bad if you are allergic to something being served or if you don't drink and the host offers you wine. Just say "no thanks" and move on. You are responsible for what goes into your mouth, and you are responsible for monitoring your diet or habits. The host is supposed to offer you everything, not edit for you. Otherwise they wouldn't be a good host.
DO NOT break stuff. That might mean not getting drunk and stumbly, that might mean avoiding horseplay with your kids. Hey, breakage happens -- and the host expects it. Just try to be kind to the surroundings.
DO NOT get up to leave just because someone else did. Wait 15 minutes or so. This is a terrible habit of guests -- it really makes the host feel horrible. Ive' had parties where one person says "I have to go" and three of four others say "yeah, it's getting late, me, too" and they all leave at the same time. There is truly a post-party depression that kicks in when you are suddenly left alone in your decorated house. So try not to do that. If someone said it first, too bad for you. Don't even hint at leaving until about a chunk of time has passed since the last wave of people has left the building. I mean come on -- what else do you have to rush off to?
DO NOT boss the host around. "Can you get me this? Can you get me that? Do you have a pen? A better lightbulb? Some more napkins from the kitchen?" Unusual stuff that isn't part of the party, or stuff that is just in the other room or on the other table. Yes, you are a guest and should be pampered, but don't be a pain in the ass. The host wants to enjoy the party, too.
DO NOT interrupt the host when the host is giving a speech.
DO NOT invite people to a party who your host doesn't know unless the host specifically lets everyone know that they can invite friends, if the friend is a celebrity (LOL), or if the host is inviting everyone in a group and didn't know that person was new to the group (like the neighborhood or a club). Your host will likely be good about the request or newcomer, if he or she is a good host. But you are adding stress to their evening.
DO NOT advertise if it you are tired and want to go home. No yawning, no asking other guests for the time. Slip out quietly after thanking the host. Otherwise you might start a stampede. Not cool.
DO toss your garbage in the trash. I am always amazed at how many dirty napkins I have to pick up at the end of the night. I mean people wiped their mouths and noses with these things! Ew! LOL, just do your best to find the trash and use it.
DO NOT complain or make a face if your white-elephant or Secret Santa or birthday gift isn't awesome, unless it is SUPPOSED to be a joke gift. The person who brought it is watching you. Always act like it is the most perfect thing you have ever received. Always.
DO NOT leave before midnight on New Year's Eve. Just sayin'.
DO bring your smile and open mind. Be ready for anything and participate.
DO NOT expect to keep being invited if you keep turning your host down.
DO thank the host at the end of the evening. And make your kids do it, too.
Good Hosts:
DO clean your house. A clean -- and I mean clean AND uncluttered -- house makes people feel comfortable. Get your typical mess off the kitchen counters. Get the stuff out of the sink. Even if you have to hide it in the oven or dishwasher or in a box in the garage. Get rid of the clutter! People WILL hang out in the kitchen, especially if there is food. So make it neat in there. Heck, if your house is so cluttered that you don't think you can manage this, get a grip and call Hoarders. Just get it done.
DO NOT force your guests to do something that they think is uncomfortable -- like playing a silly game or taking off their nasty shoes. You can drop hints and try to get them interested, but let it go if they won't participate. Their loss.
DO try to always be prepared for the unprepared guests. Have extra gifts ready for people who forgot to bring theirs.
DO NOT make your guests clean up after themselves. While it is nice that they clear their plates and stuff like that, don't ask people to stay and help with dishes. Make a trash bin easily accessible and empty it if it gets too full. Hopefully most of the garbage will make it there. But if it doesn't, just suck it up and take care of it. You are a slave to your guests. Let them feel like they are pampered kings and queens.
DO mingle and give some time to each guest. If people are being lazy and staying in the same circles and same chairs, find a way to move them around. Play a game.
DO offer everything to each guest -- if you know a guest is an alcoholic, you should still offer, tactfully. No pushing it on them or laughing while you offer. Don't just skip that person if you are walking around with drinks (maybe don't walk around with drinks if you know there are issues). Otherwise you make your guest feel very self-conscious. It's not your business to monitor their habits.
DO play music in the background. Something snappy and eclectic, whether your group is small or big. A quiet party is a sleepy party and people go home too early.
DO NOT complain or make a face if your white-elephant or Secret Santa or birthday gift isn't awesome, unless it is SUPPOSED to be a joke gift. The person who brought it is watching you. Always act like it is the most perfect thing you have ever received. Always.
DO NOT talk negatively about a guest (unless you are writing this blog) ;) Seriously, though, try not to gossip about your guests. If someone starts complaining about someone, find a way to say something like "in all fairness to her..." and give them the benefit of the doubt, then change the subject.
DO NOT get too drunk. Yeah, yeah, I know -- you're not driving and you've worked really hard all week for this. Just try. But it's okay if you do get drunk. Hey, it happens. :)
DO be kind to any uninvited guests that one of your friends brings along. I know, it's not fair. But it's your friend's fault, not the newcomer's fault. If you have history with that person, then that's another story ;)
DO NOT say you're having a neighborhood party, then only invite your favorite neighbors (this goes for members of any group you're in). You really need to invite everyone who has ever come to any neighborhood party. Otherwise you're just being a bitch.
DO keep inviting people even if they keep turning you down. Yeah, I know -- I also told guests not to expect this. But a good host keeps people feeling welcome, even if they are crappy guests.
Now go have fun at your next party, people! Don't make me have to scold you again! LOL!
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