Good Guest, Good Host

I tend to throw a lot of parties and get-togethers. I tell my friends that if I didn't, I wouldn't be invited anywhere because they are all lazy-asses who don't open their homes to guests. So I invite them over for dinners, brunch, movie nights, craft clubs, holidays -- and they are pretty much ruining my house, but it's all good, I love having them here.

But I do observe the lack of etiquette once people start to take you, the host, or you, the guest, for granted, so I thought I'd put together a few dos and don'ts for future guests (of anyone) and future hosts (of any event).

Good Guests:

DO NOT cancel your Rsvp at the last minute. That really sucks. But if you do have to cancel, do it quietly. Because sometimes other people will hop on the cancel-train if they see the party guests starting to opt out.

DO remember that someone is hosting something. That means they are going to some trouble to put an event together for you. Show your appreciation by participating correctly -- read the damn invitation! It will let you know if there is something to bring. Don't just mooch off the other quests.

DO bring a hostess gift. Every time (well, unless the party is a Tupperware or other sales party -- then don't bring anything but your wallet). That could be something as simple as contributing to the meal -- bringing a cake and leaving the uneaten portion with the host. Or bringing a cheap bottle of wine. I have a friend who will bring a $5 bottle of wine, then drink all the wine opened before hers. Then, if her bottle hasn't been opened, she will leave with it. Tacky, tacky, tacky! Especially since everyone knows that any unopened bottles will probably just be opened at my next party.

DO NOT ask the host for leftovers unless they are offered. The host has been working to make their house nice for you, probably for a few days now -- neglecting her own family. Those leftovers are probably her only way of feeding her family the next day. LOL! :D

DO NOT whine about the way the host sets up a game or activity. This one happened recently at a friend's house. She had a gift exchange with "stealing". Now some people have the rule that any one gift can only be stolen three times and then it is no longer available. No fun! So my friend doesn't limit the stealing -- though if in any round a certain set of gifts starts going round and round, she will give a 5-second countdown and those gifts are no longer available in that round. It always works out great and what's nice is that the last person gets to choose from anything, not just what is left. But there is always that one or two people who whine "No limits?? This is going to take forever!" and they don't shut the hell up throughout the whole game. And they are always wrong -- it never takes forever. One of them even came up to the host afterward to say "SOMEone said that if you do it this way next year, they won't be coming." Wow. And we all know that someone" was her, trying to bully the host. The host just said "good" and moved on.

DO remove your shoes when you come in. Really. Shoes are gross. If it's a dress-up party, fine, leave them on -- but make sure they are relatively clean. But if it's a casual get-together or game night or something like that, take them off. Leave your nasty street-dirt at the door.

DO NOT come into the house with boxes and bags full of food/beverage/whatever else you were supposed to bring and leave them all over the place. Put them out of site once they are empty. The house looked nice when you walked in, right? Don't ruin it for everyone else.

DO NOT just sit and chat with one person all night. Make sure to include newcomers. Meet and mingle. Leave your seat and move around a lot. Play musical chairs so that the participants in each conversation change. You will make more friends and have a better time. I promise!

DO NOT call the hostess with questions the hour or two before the party (or during the party). I mean, seriously? That is her busies time! Get her your questions way before that. And make them good ones. If you're in your 40s or 50s and are still asking "what do I need to bring" even though you can see all the food listed on some Rsvp page, you still need a babysitter. Don't need a babysitter. Figure it out.

DO NOT make the host feel bad if you are allergic to something being served or if you don't drink and the host offers you wine. Just say "no thanks" and move on. You are responsible for what goes into your mouth, and you are responsible for monitoring your diet or habits. The host is supposed to offer you everything, not edit for you. Otherwise they wouldn't be a good host.

DO NOT break stuff. That might mean not getting drunk and stumbly, that might mean avoiding horseplay with your kids. Hey, breakage happens -- and the host expects it. Just try to be kind to the surroundings.

DO NOT get up to leave just because someone else did. Wait 15 minutes or so. This is a terrible habit of guests -- it really makes the host feel horrible. Ive' had parties where one person says "I have to go" and three of four others say "yeah, it's getting late, me, too" and they all leave at the same time. There is truly a post-party depression that kicks in when you are suddenly left alone in your decorated house. So try not to do that. If someone said it first, too bad for you. Don't even hint at leaving until about a chunk of time has passed since the last wave of people has left the building. I mean come on -- what else do you have to rush off to?

DO NOT boss the host around. "Can you get me this? Can you get me that? Do you have a pen? A better lightbulb? Some more napkins from the kitchen?" Unusual stuff that isn't part of the party, or stuff that is just in the other room or on the other table. Yes, you are a guest and should be pampered, but don't be a pain in the ass. The host wants to enjoy the party, too.

DO NOT interrupt the host when the host is giving a speech.

DO NOT invite people to a party who your host doesn't know unless the host specifically lets everyone know that they can invite friends, if the friend is a celebrity (LOL), or if the host is inviting everyone in a group and didn't know that person was new to the group (like the neighborhood or a club). Your host will likely be good about the request or newcomer, if he or she is a good host. But you are adding stress to their evening.

DO NOT advertise if it you are tired and want to go home. No yawning, no asking other guests for the time. Slip out quietly after thanking the host. Otherwise you might start a stampede. Not cool.

DO toss your garbage in the trash. I am always amazed at how many dirty napkins I have to pick up at the end of the night. I mean people wiped their mouths and noses with these things! Ew! LOL, just do your best to find the trash and use it.

DO NOT complain or make a face if your white-elephant or Secret Santa or birthday gift isn't awesome, unless it is SUPPOSED to be a joke gift. The person who brought it is watching you. Always act like it is the most perfect thing you have ever received. Always.

DO NOT leave before midnight on New Year's Eve. Just sayin'.

DO bring your smile and open mind. Be ready for anything and participate.

DO NOT expect to keep being invited if you keep turning your host down.

DO thank the host at the end of the evening. And make your kids do it, too.

Good Hosts:

DO clean your house. A clean -- and I mean clean AND uncluttered -- house makes people feel comfortable. Get your typical mess off the kitchen counters. Get the stuff out of the sink. Even if you have to hide it in the oven or dishwasher or in a box in the garage. Get rid of the clutter! People WILL hang out in the kitchen, especially if there is food. So make it neat in there. Heck, if your house is so cluttered that you don't think you can manage this, get a grip and call Hoarders. Just get it done.

DO NOT force your guests to do something that they think is uncomfortable -- like playing a silly game or taking off their nasty shoes. You can drop hints and try to get them interested, but let it go if they won't participate. Their loss.

DO try to always be prepared for the unprepared guests. Have extra gifts ready for people who forgot to bring theirs.

DO NOT make your guests clean up after themselves. While it is nice that they clear their plates and stuff like that, don't ask people to stay and help with dishes. Make a trash bin easily accessible and empty it if it gets too full. Hopefully most of the garbage will make it there. But if it doesn't, just suck it up and take care of it. You are a slave to your guests. Let them feel like they are pampered kings and queens.

DO mingle and give some time to each guest. If people are being lazy and staying in the same circles and same chairs, find a way to move them around. Play a game.

DO offer everything to each guest -- if you know a guest is an alcoholic, you should still offer, tactfully. No pushing it on them or laughing while you offer. Don't just skip that person if you are walking around with drinks (maybe don't walk around with drinks if you know there are issues). Otherwise you make your guest feel very self-conscious. It's not your business to monitor their habits.

DO play music in the background. Something snappy and eclectic, whether your group is small or big. A quiet party is a sleepy party and people go home too early.

DO NOT complain or make a face if your white-elephant or Secret Santa or birthday gift isn't awesome, unless it is SUPPOSED to be a joke gift. The person who brought it is watching you. Always act like it is the most perfect thing you have ever received. Always.

DO NOT talk negatively about a guest (unless you are writing this blog) ;) Seriously, though, try not to gossip about your guests. If someone starts complaining about someone, find a way to say something like "in all fairness to her..." and give them the benefit of the doubt, then change the subject.

DO NOT get too drunk. Yeah, yeah, I know -- you're not driving and you've worked really hard all week for this. Just try. But it's okay if you do get drunk. Hey, it happens. :)

DO be kind to any uninvited guests that one of your friends brings along. I know, it's not fair. But it's your friend's fault, not the newcomer's fault. If you have history with that person, then that's another story ;)

DO NOT say you're having a neighborhood party, then only invite your favorite neighbors (this goes for members of any group you're in). You really need to invite everyone who has ever come to any neighborhood party. Otherwise you're just being a bitch.

DO keep inviting people even if they keep turning you down. Yeah, I know -- I also told guests not to expect this. But a good host keeps people feeling welcome, even if they are crappy guests.


Now go have fun at your next party, people! Don't make me have to scold you again! LOL!

What Would Picard Do?

For some reason my husband stays up all night watching MASH and Seinfeld and Star Trek The Next Generation into the early morning hours. Then falls asleep on the couch. I see that he has hit the "record" button for some of the episodes, which is silly because we own every episode of MASH on DVDs and all these shows are on Netflix — so I will typically delete them after a few days seeing no reason to fill up the DVR. It's his thing to watch the same episodes over and over and over, memorizing the lines. I don't know why.

Of course, when we were dating, it was sweet: "He's so smart and geeky and cute the way he knows all the lines from all these great classic shows. He's sentimental. I just love that about him."

Now it's more like "What the freak do you have to memorize all these freaking lines from these freaking old shows for? What is wrong with you? What is WRONG with you? Get off the freaking couch and maybe start one of the projects on this house that is falling apart around us. This is just a symptom of the things I should have paid more attention to before we got married, you freaking mushbrained trivia addict!"

Sigh.

Not a Whovian

In most other ways I'm such a geek, but I've never, never been able to get into Dr Who (I think I've been asked to try every decade it's been on since the 70s). The latest attempt is with Capaldi, the new Who. I watched the first episode with my son and thought "okay, a little hokier than I would have expected, but maybe I can do this." But by the second episode I was bored about halfway through. Riddled with private jokes that pander to the long-time fans, filled with special effects that I thought were kinda lame in this day and age, and with a plot that made no sense (when he lands his Tardis on a battle-space-ship and is told to either help the Dalek against his will or be killed, Dr Who is allowed back into his Tardis to get help -- why didn't he just leave the ship? Oy), I got up to do laundry about halfway through and left it to my son. I give up.

I really think it's like a lot of shows and movies -- if you enjoyed it as a teen, you can still enjoy the corniness in later years. If not, it's hard to appreciate it starting in your forties, no matter how young-at-heart you are. I know -- I like lots of crap because I loved it as a kid :) But there is such better sci-fi out there -- or at least better, more clever geek-culture offerings -- in my honest opinion. So forgive me, fellow Comic-Con-ers, I just can't do it. But I'll fake it and still give Dalek cosplayers a thumbs-up. Maybe even knit my son an old-school Baker-esque scarf someday for fun while he sums up the best parts of each episode for me over a butterbeer. As long as I don't have to actually watch the show anymore. :)

UPDATE: January 2015
My son doesn't watch it anymore, either.

Oxford Comma Oxford Schmomma

On some silly George-Takei-directed message board about the Oxford Comma, I was enjoying the ridiculous debates about the "ands" and the redundant commas. I wrote: "People could always choose to write more clearly if there is the possibility of miscommunication — even if the thing you are trying to communicate is obvious, a serious point goes down the drain once people turn it into a grammar joke.

"For example, instead of: 'I had eggs, toast and orange juice', how about 'I had eggs with my toast and orange juice'? Or instead of 'we invited the strippers, JFK and Stalin', try 'we invited the strippers along with JFK and Stalin'."

Of course someone chimed in (as everyone is welcome to do — I always welcome an intelligent debate). The reply was: "So, just to avoid putting an extra comma, you should make your sentences more complicated? Got it."

A bit snarky, so I wrote: "Adding one or two words to uncomplicate a sentence complicates it for you? I am not for or against the Oxford comma; I am for clear and understandable communication of thoughts."

And if she writes back I want to reply (but I won't): "I think you're just grasping as silly reasons to try to be argumentative toward no real purpose. Or, if you prefer the less-complicated version: 'I think you're grasping, silly and argumentative.'" ;)

Accidental Extrovert

I think my friends tend to expect a lot of me. So I'm bound to disappoint. Because I have a secret: I am a desperately shy introvert.

I hide it so well. Party this weekend? Probably at Cheryl's house. Camping tip to plan? Cheryl will do it. Board member needed in the Mom's Club? Count on Cheryl. But every ounce of my energy goes into each of those activities, even if I don't do much. How do I know I am an introvert? Well, I have two Facebook friends who post articles about their introversion. I get annoyed when I read them. "She doesn't like to say 'yes' to get-togehers? Doesn't want to make plans? Needs a break after seeing us? How insulting! How wimpy! How boring! How ... me." Hmm! So I've been curious about my personality lately and here are the things I have found:

Please don't make plans with me more than a few days (preferably hours) in advance!
Okay, I know that is a lot to ask. And under many circumstances, impossible. But when someone tries to get me to commit to something, I kinda freak out a little. I feel like I have to sit in limbo until The Event and then and only then does my motor turn on again. Not exactly true, but that is how it feels. Calendar and clock watching ensues, my heart jumps every time I remember that The Event is coming up. How I cope: I try to accept the invitation no matter how much I dread it -- though an excuse to say "no" is never wasted. But if I am pressured after a while, it can turn on my friend. The constant pressure just pushes me away more and leads to alienation of that friend. I had to deal with that this week -- a slightly long-distance friend who wants to have more sleepovers between our two boys. Now I hate sleepovers. HATE. I dislike the idea of not being able to push someone else's kid out the door at the end of the day. I suffer through some of them because it's only fair. And sometimes you have to reciprocate. And I don't want to seem to reject someone else's child or become a one-sided sleepover mooch. But it is really difficult for me. I'd so much rather let the kids play during the day, then be able to return to my comfortable cocoon of a home, to my evening privacy, to my me-time.

I love my alone time with my son, to the point of becoming a hermit and alienating my own husband. My son is the one person in the world who I can spent all my time with - though we need some breaks from each other, too. When I was in my twenties I lived alone, with no friends or family nearby. I was lonely sometimes, but most of the time I really liked it. I remember thinking that it was time to think about starting a family (which I really wanted) and the image that came to mind was of me with a child in a tidy little house in some secluded Maine town. No husband in the picture, no big parties or friends around all the time. But I also need people in my life. I love my cousins and aunts and uncles and my Mother and, yes, even my brother. How I cope: I needed to find a best-of-both-worlds scenario. And most importantly, when I did have a child (and yes, I did fall in love and get married), I didn't want to turn him into an introvert. I wanted him to have a good, happy social life. So I joined clubs at got us together with other moms and kids. I made play dates, threw parties, made sure that he had kid time and I had adult time. But these gatherings were in short bursts with plenty of "rest" time in-between.

How do I explain this to my friends without sounding like an ass? Without sounding like authors of the articles posted by the introverts who angered and insulted and frustrated me on Facebook? I fight this introversion -- this shyness -- with every ounce of will I can muster. I say "yes" even though I want so badly to say "no". I probably drink to much in order to squelch my urge to flee. And once I am there -- once I am IN the situation -- I feel okay. It's the anticipation of the hijacking of my personal time that I fear the most, I think. I have some friends who are "easy" and never demand too much of my time and commitment. Our time together is laid back and relaxed and impulsive and there is little planning involved. But I have other friends who need to plan, need to spend more time (and sometimes, to me, once a week or twice a month is too much -- hey, I try!!), need to challenge me more. And it destroys me. And I resent them. And they feel it. And so it destroys our friendships.

Fellow introverts, do you feel me? How do you cope? What do you do? Please comment below and give us all some coping techniques. Or feel free to simply vent! Because if you're anything like me, you don't get to vent enough and end up arguing out loud in a room  by yourself a lot ;)

Walk the walk

“The world needs all kinds of minds.”

— Temple Grandin

I love that quote, don't you? Especially if you have a silly, quirky, march-to-the-beat-of-your-own-drum son like mine. Today I had to go pick up my 12-year-old after school (he had missed his bus) and when I texted to let him know I was outside, I watched as he came out the doors of his middle-school.

He was already smiling, looking around for my car. When he saw me, I got a bigger smile, a wave and then he sort of bounce-walked to my car, leaning forward and almost flapping his arms like wings a bit. Goofball :)

But then of course the mother/middle-schooler in me comes into play: Oh, he's being eccentric and silly! If the "cool" kids saw him, would they pick on him? Label him "weird"? Talk about him behind his back? Oh, god!

He got to the car, opened the back door and threw his backpack onto the backseat, then joined me up front. "Hi, Mom!"

"Hi, Hon! What was with the goofy walk to the car today?" I couldn't resist.

"Oh, I dunno, I just felt like it." He smiled and kinda laughed.

I decided to pursue it a bit further. "So how come you don't walk more like the boy coming out now?" The boy was probably a year or two older. Backpack over one shoulder. baggy jeans, scruffy hair, hoodie, sort of a frown — kind of a typical teenage boy, if you ask me. "It's like he assumes people are watching, and he wants to look cool." We both watched as the boy approached his mother's awaiting car.

And right before he got to her car he spat a big old gross, drooly loogie (and I am NOT going to "Google" the spelling of that word for fear of the images that might pop up on my screen) onto the sidewalk.

My son started cracking up! "Eww! Really, Mom? THAT's what you want me to be more like?? Oh, sure! I can do that!" :D

"Oh, that was classy! No, you're right, kiddo — do what makes you happy!"

Lesson learned!

Game Night!

Around the time my son turned 10 (end of 2011) I was trying to think of hobbies to keep him away from drugs and gangs when he gets older (scary thoughts of teen years yet to come o_O) So I thought back to when I was younger and of the boys I thought of as the “smart” ones — what did they do?

Munchkin in the park

Dungeons & Dragons, of course! Though they never invited me to play: NO GIRLS ALLOWED! ;) So I asked at a local game store if they could recommend something that was sort of D&D light — for a younger kid. They showed me to a game called Munchkin. I'd seen it around ("Kill the Monster — Steal the Treasure — Stab your Buddy," the boxes read). I purchased it and we tried playing it at home, but I was never sure I was really understanding the rules (I'm such a visual learner). I searched and searched online for videos of people just playing the game, to no avail. We put it away, a tad frustrated. A few months later we tried it again, but having never played a game anything like this before, I was still unsure that I was reading the rules correctly (What is the backpack for? Which players can help me? etc). I did another web search and — lo and behold! — this time I quickly found the Munchkin episode of TableTop.

Whaaaaa???? That cutie-pie Wil Wheaton is a geek like us? And has a board game show? And with Steve Jackson (the creator of Munchkin) as a bonus guest in that episode?? Too perfect! So we watched, we learned, we laughed, we LOVED!! It answered our questions and we were able to initiate other players by having them watch the episode.

Butterbeer

So of course, that led to subscribing to the TableTop page and Wil Wheaton's Facebook page (and, from there, discovery of Geek & Sundry and The Guild and Cards Against Humanity and other things geekish that made us so happy!) and so we’ve called it the Year of Wil Wheaton and TableTop. That next Christmas there were TWENTY-SIX games and extensions under the tree (we’re a family of three, so that’s a big number). We have more game nights with friends — to whom we’ve introduced new favorites like Catan and Wits & Wagers — and my son is trying to get a Munchkin Club going on a regular basis (the kids get snacks and butterbeer if they show up, and they LOVE the game!).

My son and I even went to Denver Comic Con for the first time this year and my son got to ask Wil Wheaton a question during his panel — he was giddy with delight! And Wil was so nice :) And of course the whole family stayed up for some Midnight Munchkin Madness in the hotel room!! (See The Guild, season 5)

Luke Skywalker
prepares his next shot

Munchkin club

My family has said that board games are my new addiction. The downside being the ridiculously hefty price tags on some of them (lots of these new, cool games are over $50) — so we wait for sales and special occasions. The local game store knows me by name now and are ready to show me any new games. No matter where I go, I take a travel game with me — like Hive or Mr. Jack or Zombie/Martian Dice (we bought some D24 dice to keep in those boxes so we can keep track of brains and other such scores) or Fluxx. My hubby and I had a great date night this past weekend — and of course we were sure to take pictures and post them on Facebook so that people would see all the fun new games we have, in the hope that we could encourage more friends to join us. Because lord knows I always want more people to play with me!! :)

So thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, Wil Wheaton and Tabletop for creating this show and opening our eyes to all the cool new gaming adventures out there! Not that we won’t still pull out Trivial Pursuit, Mille Bornes and Risk now and then :D Any time around the table with friends and family is time well spent. Game on!
x

Favorite part of an afternoon with Overprotective Mom

Me: "So, can your baby walk yet?"

She looks at me like I'm a little nuts and says: "Oh, of course she can walk!"

Me (not out loud): :\ You act like I'm supposed to know that. You have been here for THREE HOURS and she hasn't been allowed off your lap no matter how much she struggles and points at the other toddlers playing nearby...

She later explains: "I don't want her to get messy."

This was at a backyard barbecue at a friend's very-safe-for-little-ones house. It's called a hose-down in the sink and a change of clothes, folks. And believe it or not, this was not her first kid.

-___-
#nationofwimps

Merry F-ing Christmas!

Can anyone just wish anyone else a Merry Christmas anymore without spitting those words at me as if they are some sort of threat?

Yes, 'is the season when everyone is smiling and happy and wishing everyone merriment ... except for my Christian friends who say "merry Christmas" with a visiousness that immediately implies that they threw down a challenge and are daring me to not say it back. Sheesh, Merry Christmas already! and happy holidays and whatever else makes anyone happy.

My bible-thumpy friends have been blogging about what assholes (those who say "happy holidays" and call Christmas trees "Holiday trees") we are. Makes me never want to use the word "Christmas" again. December 25th is ONE DAY -- and not even the correct date.

I celebrate everything. Christmas, Hannukah, Festivus, New Year's and Ninja Day. There is a lot going on this time of year. So, at home I may talk about Christmas and the memories it brings to me of Mom and Grandparents and excitement waiting for Santa, but when I'm out and about I know there are lots of people who don't celebrate that particular holiday. Or, like me, they celebrate it without the religious aspects. Or it's full-on Jesus mania for others. Great! Enjoy it! But don't get mad at me for saying "Happy Holidays" just to be polite.  I know you won't be offended if I wish you the merriment of a holiday you don't celebrate. But I'm covering my bases. 

So why so angry? Nothing is happening to your holidays. If anything, they are bigger than ever. Each year getting more overstuffed and bloated. Starting before Halloween now. Yet you want more, more? Who is suppressing whom? Certainly not me. I'm offering a friendly greeting, and being scolded for it.

So next time you're out and about and want to say "Merry Christmas" to me, just say it. And leave off the "and I don't care if that offends you!" part because that snotty attitude takes the sincerity out of your greeting. You might be surprised at how much more friendly people will be when they reply. Might even end in a hug.

Happy holidays. Peace and love to ALL!! :) xoxo

Ratatouille's Ratatouille

This was so much easier to make than I expected! It was a lot of fun to put together and was delicious! This is a more simplified version of the original recipe (for people who didn’t study with the French masters). Look up “Confit Byaldi, Thomas Keller” online if you want the original recipe.

In the movie they used an oval baking dish; I used a 9” glass pie dish (before the tomato sauce is in the dish, you might want to trace your parchment paper which will top the vegetables; you probably want it a little larger than the dish so it can tuck in around the edges a bit).

On the bottom of the dish, spread 1 cup of tomato purée or tomato paste (I’ve also used canned prepared diced tomatoes). Then, on top of that, add 1/2 onion, finely chopped and 2 garlic cloves, very thinly sliced. Stir it all together with 1 tbsp olive oil and then season generously with salt and pepper (and thyme/parsley; optional). Then spread it out evenly again. Put a little up the sides of the dish, too, as it will keep the vegetables from sticking to the dish.

Using a mandolin or, even faster, a food processor with a slicing blade, cut the following into 1/16-inch-thick rounds after trimming off the ends: 1 small eggplant (if you can get “Italian” or “Japanese” eggplant that would be a better size. I couldn’t find that, so I used a regular eggplant cut into quarters the long way, and only ended up using about 1 quarter. You can see in the picture that they end up like triangles, but put the rounded skin-side on top and it’s hardly noticeable); 1 smallish zucchini; 1 smallish yellow squash (the closer to a uniform cucumber shape, the better, but maybe get a couple of small squash if they're cheap, so that you have more of the larger rounds to use); 4 firm Roma tomatoes. So now you have four separate colorful piles of veggies. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

On top of the tomato sauce, arrange a circular strip of slices of the vegetables going from the outer edge to the inside of the baking dish, overlapping so just a smidgen of each flat surface is visible, alternating vegetables.

My order was: zucchini (green), tomato (red), eggplant (green), squash (yellow). If you can get some help, this will go quickly. Think ‘assembly line’. I’d put 4-5 piles together in my hand at once, then gather the piles and lay them in the dish.

Drizzle 1 tbsp olive oil over the vegetables and season them generously with salt and pepper. Remove the leaves from a few thyme springs with your fingertips, running them down the stem. Sprinkle the fresh thyme over the dish.


Cover dish with a piece of parchment paper cut to fit/tuck inside.

Bake for approximately 45 to 55 minutes, until vegetables are clearly cooked, but with some structure left so they are not totally limp. And you should see that the tomato sauce is bubbling up around them.

We served this on top of a helping of rice — make sure the rice gets some of that tomato sauce!

Rock 'n' Roll Etiquette

It has been a beautiful week in Colorado. So we were lucky to get some perfect weather for the outside concert we went to at Hudson Gardens last night. Performing for us was a U2 tribute band, and they were really good. Okay, so they aren't the real U2 (who performed in Denver a week earlier) — but we looked at the ticket prices, and it was insane! Who can afford concerts anymore? When I was younger you could go see a top artist for $20 or so, and the sooner you called the ticket sellers, the closer you got to the stage. Ah, life was simple. So I guess it's good that now that I am an old fart, my favorite artists are playing state fairs and small venues like this :)

I would like to take a moment, though, to remind people how to behave at concerts. Okay, that sounds ridiculous — and is — but I have a few pet peeves about concertgoers that I want to vent: First of all, please leave the iPods, iPhones and other gadgets at home (or in your pocket, for emergencies only). How rude is it for the poor performers to look out and see a bunch of bowed heads staring at their video screens? Ugh. Second, when a great song comes up and some people stand up to dance: get your fat-ass out of your seat and stand up with them! Dance!! Don't make people feel bad for blocking your view at a rock concert. It's not the symphony, folks! Like Roger Daltrey says: chairs are there to stand on! :) And third: if you're NOT going to dance, you don't get to sit there picking on the people who are dancing badly, but dancing nonetheless. You're the one who looks like the boring, too-cool-for-school dumbass, not them. It's true! This last one is because there was a middle-aged guy just letting lose, shaking with the music, doing punching moves, etc. Very cute and funny. We enjoyed him. But the teenage girls in front of us just rolled their eyes and laughed at him like he was nuts. So mean. Mean girls suck. Oh, and to the woman wearing the "You're FUCKING UP my BUZZ" t-shirt. Nice. This is a family concert and there are little kids sitting near you, asshole. Oh, well — my son has heard those words enough now, that I don't worry about him anymore. So I'll let another Mom stress about that one.

In the I-feel-old department, I have come to the realization that my poor, sensitive ears do not like loud concerts anymore. And this one was LOUD. I think they turned their amps up to "11". But at a small, grassy-parked concert? There's no need for it to be that insanely loud, the old lady inside me complains. About halfway through the concert, my ears were so trashed that I could barely hear notes — they were starting to morph into some white-noise buzzing. But it wasn't a long concert, so the ears held up. Though after the concert, my friend commented that she could barely hear the lead singer over the guitars. It's too bad that "louder" means "better" at some of these concerts. I guess I'm going to have to join the ear-plug brigade (believe it or not, I looked around to see if anyone else was bothered by the sound, and noticed several adults and children adjusting ear-plugs! Hmm, I'll have to look into that for the next concert!)

Here is a great article about hearing loss: http://www.abelard.org/hear/hear.php. It's a bit frightening; it can't be cured. I already have tinnitus, and cell phones cause an uncomfortable click in my ear some days. Not good. Oh, well — rock on!

I do remember her smile...

A dear friend of mine emailed me today to let me know that another friend was dead. Pam and I were "best friends" since we met in 10th grade until we were about 20 and things went sour. So strange to not speak to her for about 13 years or so and then see an obituary. Yes, I hated her for a long time for the things she did (to me, to other friends). Then appreciated it for the good story it made. But I’m not sure how I feel about this. Just a little sad for her kids and for my memory of her, really, which makes it awkward. I think I’m not that surprised at the news because a few years back I had found articles about her online that told of her trouble with the law over a drug issue (it's all public record, the only reason I mention it here). I wonder if her death was drug related? Or if she had a normal, happy life and the incident was a misunderstanding or bad mistake due to temptation or a bad influence in her life a the time (we all make those). A wife, a mother a nurse... all I knew, really, was the teenager.

The other feeling I get, to be honest, is that it makes me feel scared for me. I know it is selfish, but obituaries scare me, especially when it is someone my age. Isn't everyone a little like that?

Back to Pam, though. I’ll try to afford her a few moments of happy memories today. We did have lots of good times. But it is so hard to remember the good without getting cynical and sarcastic; wondering what was real and what was conniving and self-serving on her part. As in “Ah, remember the time that we… too bad she would later ill-use my trust to empty my bank account!” It is so hard not to go there. It was bitter. In fact, I was surprised that my friend mentioned the news with such gentleness since she had her own bad experiences with Pam. But I write that here just to get it out, and will try to be respectful if others ask about her.

I wonder what her life was like. I’m sorry that she died, and I’m sorry for her mother and for her two children. Like my friend Kim before she died, I had always wondered if we would somehow meet again and what that would be like. Death says “no” to that option, yet again. And since I don’t believe in an afterlife, I will have to accept that, yet again.

Bully for you, Son!

We got a few notes from the teacher this week. Our son seems to keep getting himself into little spats with other kids his age. But in Atticus's defense, the problem seems to be with his coping skills as he has to deal with other little assholes (wink — it's never my son who is wrong!) Here are some examples, though, so that you can judge for yourself:

1. Yesterday in the library he was telling a friend about a story he read in "Ripley's Believe it or Not". The friend must have decided he didn't want to hear the story, so he (logically) began to hiss at Atticus. This upset Atticus, who got angry and possibly even started crying. Both boys had to get a "mark" on their sheets and apologize.

2. In music the other day, Atticus was sniffling and ended up wiping his nose on his shirt's sleeve. Typical elementary-school behavior when there are no tissues handy. But the kid next to him embarrassed him by announcing that action to the whole class in order to get Atticus to stop doing it. Atticus got upset and told the kid to leave him alone. Both kids had to apologize to each other and have a time-out.

3. The kids were in line to go to another classroom — one that was right across the hall. Atticus was supposed to be at the head of the line, but wasn't, and the girl behind him was telling him where he needed to be. They were only walking 10 feet, so he tried to tell her to leave him alone and just let the class get across the hall. The teacher defended the girl, saying "she was just trying to be helpful and Atticus got very upset." Me, I wonder why the teacher didn't tell the girl to mind her own business and stop parenting (teachering?) her classmates.

When I was in school, I was usually a "teacher's pet". But in looking back at those days, I'm starting to realize just WHY I was a "pet". I was always very shy — terrified to speak, in fact — smart, but quiet. Toed the line and only spoke when spoken to. I am envious of Atticus. His place in his world. He is the star of The Atticus Show! I love that he sings aloud, that he speaks up, that he defends himself against bullies, that he is a talkative, silly, obnoxious-at-times boy! LOVE it!

But the teachers don't ever reward that kind of behavior. This is one of the reasons that I don't go to parent-child conferences anymore (I send my husband): I can't sit there and hear the negatives. He's not "teacher's pet" material. They want to see how they can get him to stop doing all of those things. And they want my help. But as his Mom — who always sees him as charming and delightful and clever. I hope he is always the kind of kid who will speak up and call attention to himself and take over the room. The kind of person who is kind and gentle, but won't take crap from his peers.

I don't think I want to help them break my son like a wild pony. So run, Atticus, run!!

Neighborhood cleanup (a.k.a. Trash In, Cats Out)

It is a beautiful day in Colorado, and as we go through our morning routine of getting our son off to school, checking email and commenting on Facebook, one thing we look forward to is the ritual of looking out onto the back deck to see what the cats have brought for us.

Today it was a heavy rubber gardening glove. One that my husbands says is nice enough to be missed by someone! But we're not worried — if it was that important to someone, they wouldn't have left it out to be discovered by the rubber-sniffing cats. No escaped convict wearing anything made of rubber would be able to hide from these cats. What is it with the smell of rubber? We do get the occasional mouse and once in a while the sadness of a bird. But they have brought dozens of deflated balloons to our door; some reading "Happy Birthday!" or "It's a Boy!" We get latex gloves, dishwashing gloves...and yes, even a few dreaded, dragged and deflated condoms.

Getting rid of those is Joe's job.

Millhauser

You can't just read a Stephen Millhauser book in your favorite chair or in bed before you go to sleep. You have to put a hammock in an unused corner of your yard, take the book on a trip, or at least — at the very least — turn your reading chair around to face another wall. Millhauser will always take you on a journey of imagination, playing tricks on you, making you believe in things that aren't so or look at a common object diagonally. He is a conqueror of that moment in space between wakefulness and dreams, shuffling and confusing the two. When you've finished a story you need a moment to "return" and it's too special a moment to be wasted on your blank TV set or your bureau — you need to be able to look up and sigh and be able to focus on something unexpected there in front of you. Ah, Stephen, Stephen...

I hooked up with an old friend on Facebook about a year ago. Someone I knew in high school and for a couple of years after that. Then, as friends do, we drifted apart. And if Facebook hadn't come along, who knows if we ever would have gotten back together.

Now, I'm not talking about an old flame — though in the day, the "group" dating thing was where it was at. So we were all True Loves in some way or another. No, this friend of mine was just sort of always there. Beloved and funny and smart and such a good friend. And getting to know him again through Facebook has been enlightening. I never realized how much of "me" was formed during that friendship. I wonder if he can read some of my posts and "Likes" and notes and see some of himself in there. I know that I can look at his bio and say "he likes that because of me. He may not realize it, or remember it, but I know I introduced that to him or discovered that with him." It's amazing how much this person will always be a huge part of the intricately crafted soul of me.

So thank you my friend, for reminding me who I am and why I am and how I got here. ♥

Pregnant Morning Gripe from 2001

I found this old note that I wrote in my 4th or 5th month of pregnancy and it gave me a chuckle, so I thought I'd pass it along. Ah, memories...
I’ve been having a hard time getting to sleep at night — merely adjusting for a comfortable position has been, literally, a pain. Then I read for a while, then I finally turn off the light and try to sleep when I realize I have to pee “like a racehorse” (never did understand that one). So I totally wake myself up to do that. Now I’m feeling dehydrated, so, against my better judgment, I have a glass of water. Then I try to go to bed which means I stare at the clock for an hour. Then I fall asleep only to have Sassy jump up into my face, purring. Well, who can resist that? So I have to pet her for a little while. Finally I fall asleep. Three hours later hubby’s alarm goes off and startles me into full-wakefulness. I don’t think that’s a word. But THEN he hits the snooze button. Not once. Not twice. But SIX FREAKING TIMES. So now I am awake-awake. That’s a word, believe me. Finally, he gets up and I try to go back to sleep, but once he leaves for work I realize that not only is the “sleep” thing not gonna happen, but now I have to pee again pretty badly and my stomach is rumbling because god forbid I don’t stuff something into my mouth every half hour to keep this baby happy. So I get up and have breakfast. But I think, “Good — I’ve gotten an early jump on my day.” So I start making all sorts of plans for things to do with my whole big day and then at around ten o’clock I hit the wall and crash-land into a full snore on the couch. But, of course, since my at-home-office hours begin at ten, that’s when the phone starts ringing. Odd, though, it’s never a customer that early — which would be worthwhile. But guilt at ignoring the ringing phone drags me up again from a fitful nap. Knowing full well that I haven’t had a full six hours of sleep, much less a needed eight or nine, I see my day dwindling into a few tired hours before another afternoon nap elbows its way into my life.

I have come to the conclusion that sleep has way too much control on our lives.

That’s today’s gripe. Tune in next time for “Sneezing While Pregnant and other fun ways to wet your pants as a grown-up.”

Sharing Those Family Recipes

I was asked recently what my best go-to dishes were for Potlucks. Well, I'm never the one to answer that. Though I can cook, I'm not the most confident cooker, so my dishes are simple: sweet gherkins wrapped in very thin salami and stuck on a toothpick; pasta salad — stuff I don't have to cook. Then I heard one person answer "I have a great dish, but the recipe is a family secret!"

Really? A family secret? That always brings back memories of a few years ago at a neighbor's party. They had invited some of their coworkers and friends from outside of the neighborhood, so there were lots of new faces there. One of her coworkers had brought a carrot cake and everyone who knew her oohed and ahhed over it, saying "Lisa brought her carrot cake! Oh, you have to try it! I love it when she brings that famous carrot cake of hers!" Now I had never made a carrot cake from scratch, and have always wanted to since it is my favorite kind of cake. Hers was yummy and I thought to myself "what a great way to learn to make one, and I might get a new friend out of it!"

So I found a piece of paper and a pen in the kitchen, then sought out Lisa. We'd only just met that evening, but had joined in various conversations together and so we already had a connection.

"Lisa, can I get your email address so that I can get your carrot cake recipe?"

She smiled and said "oh, it's my grandmother's recipe and so it's an old family secret! I just can't give it out."

"Oh... no problem!" And that was where we left it. She never did give me her email because that would have been awkward, so that was that. No new friendship was forged. I have to wonder: what did she gain from that?

I guess I can understand it if you plan to make yourself rich with the recipe, but usually the Keepers Of The Secret do not have those kinds of plans. Even if they do, think of Mrs. Fields and the infamous cookie recipe — giving that out did NOT put Mrs. Fields out of business! On top of it all, I ended up feeling spitefully bad about that woman. I fantasized about finding out where she lived and sneaking in one day just to take a quick picture of the recipe she was protecting so fiercely (insert evil laugh here)!

It's just so silly. Share your damn recipes, people! (Now if only Universal Studios will give up their secrets about "Butterbeer"!)